Being transgender, biological sex and gender roles in society

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Antilogic
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Being transgender, biological sex and gender roles in society

Post by Antilogic » Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:04

So I was reading an interesting thread on /r/amitheasshole today (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/ ... _a_gender/). A quick TL;DR is that a MtF (male-to-female) person was upset at the “gender reveal” part of the baby shower, rather focused on their opinions around neutrality on gender until the child is able to decide for themselves.

Not really focused on that issue – feel free to delve into the topic yourself in the thread – however it did make me think, much from some of the comments in the thread, about how people understand transgender folks, how the stereotypes are seen and what the understanding from cis people around transgender issues is.

I can only really speak for my own experiences of course, but I find myself frustrated by the standard perception of transgender people in the media and other formats. Mostly around how the media focus is so heavily their perception of transgender people. You have to be MtF, if you’re not wearing very “womanly” clothes they likely have a change of clothing for you, - oh that flowery dress looks lovely on you darling - get some good heavy makeup in there and of course, you can’t really “pass” as female because what would be the point of having you on screen if you didn’t look a bit “off”. Don’t forget the push-up bra!

Now, for some people that is how they wish to be presented as, and all the power to them. But this rapidly forming stereotype is presenting a small number of transgender people as the sole models, if you like, to the world, ignoring that, as with everything there is a massive variety in the area. You could be Female-to-Male. You could be genderfluid. What about non-binary? What about even within MtF and FtM there are massive differences between what the individual needs to be able to address how they feel about themselves. People who have not medically transitioned are ignored completely, yet to do so is transphobic. For anyone undergoing medical transition, there are multiple options – everything from a minor change to ease dysphoria, all the way across the spectrum to surgery (previously and incorrectly known as a “sex change operation”).

Outside of medical options, society places huge pressure on transgender people to completely conform with the stereotypes of the gender they are transitioning too. But once again, the persons personal preferences can conflict, but if they do, they are often taken as “not really a women/man/whatever” and discarded by many. Certainly not chosen by the media as a spokesperson for transgender issues.

This highlights transphobic attitudes that any transgender person must deal with and are encouraged by those who seek to oppress transgender people. The default image of the “man in a dress”, who has breasts, doesn’t quite look like a woman and is in your toilets perving on you is one which has been expressed often in the mainstream media by talking heads and the general public. The idea that all transgender people (and by this, they mean MtF only, because they are unaware or uncaring that any other possibilities exist) are perverts that seek only to get into the toilets where your daughter is by herself is one of the most insidious of attacks on transgender people to date. Bypassing the idea that a sign on the door denoting if the bathroom was male or female is unlikely to stop an actual predator using this method, it reinforces in peoples minds a link between the concept that transgender people are in some way degenerates, and that they should never be taken seriously in normal society.

For myself, I am more than somewhat terrified of the major social repercussions that I at some point will have to deal with and I live in a slightly more tolerant country than most. And yet, I find myself with little choice but to eventually come fully out offline. After years of therapy, medications, a bipolar diagnosis, over 15 years of confusion regarding who I am and how to deal with my feelings, 2 suicide attempts and just today breaking down in therapy as my psychologist conducts Post Traumatic Stress Disorder treatment, I find myself with few options but to do something in order to continue to maintain a life worth living.

This is the issue for many people. Nobody wants to have gender dysphoria; it sucks in the same way that any physiological disorder does. Everyone wants to feel that they are comfortable in the body they have. For me, I know I need to prevent depression phases, and I know that transitioning to a body which is going to even slightly more match how I feel is going to help with that. This part does not concern me, in fact to say I’m excited by the prospect is an understatement as it would finally allow me to live closer to who I am inside. The scary part is, as I mentioned, the social reactions.

What do I do if, after starting medical transition, I use a woman’s bathroom, and someone takes offense? I am not a confrontation person. How do I handle being confronted in public, what if someone decides to react violently to my appearance? It seems unlikely I will truly pass, even if I go for the maximum options, of which I have yet to decide. What about in the workplace, where transgender issues are often ignored, or found laughable and disregarded. Will I find myself discriminated against – I am already aware of, and have raised, minor discrimination again from birth women in my workplace. I wonder if my all white, 50+ male senior management team would even notice.

The MtF woman in the link was wrong to foster her opinion on the expectant mother. By doing so, she expands an extreme version of the gender identity problem that is wending its way through society today. On both sides of the issue, there are those that would seek to suppress the others desires to live their lives how they feel is best and in a comfortable and happy manner for all. At the end of the day, transgender people are focused on a single thing – being happy with who they are and how they live their lives. Being able to manage gender dysphoria is what matters, if that requires medical transition or not. Anything else is up to the person, and everyone is different. The stereotyped women on the news does not represent anyone other than herself and neither does the women in the link today.

I don’t want to be a representative of transgender issues. I just want to live my life, deal with my own problems and not get stabbed in a back ally because I dared to take medication which gave me breasts and allowed me to feel human again.

I like to think everyone just wants to feel human.
Last edited by Antilogic on Tue, 30. Jul 19, 22:14, edited 1 time in total.

Rug
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Re: Being transgender, biological sex and gender roles in society

Post by Rug » Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:45

Antilogic wrote:
Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:04
I like to think everyone just wants to feel human.
I like that.

Is it OK to steal it and use it to replace my current sig text ?

Matt
I like to think everyone just wants to feel human.

(Antilogic)

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Antilogic
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Re: Being transgender, biological sex and gender roles in society

Post by Antilogic » Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:46

Rug wrote:
Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:45
I like that.

Is it OK to steal it and use it to replace my current sig text ?

Matt
Be my guest!

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fiksal
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Re: Being transgender, biological sex and gender roles in society

Post by fiksal » Sun, 4. Aug 19, 06:11

Much of this is outside of my expertise or experience. All I can say is be safe and good luck.

So I can only give somewhat practical / survival advice.
Antilogic wrote:
Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:04
I use a woman’s bathroom, and someone takes offense?
Ignore or suggest to call cops now. Leave.
Antilogic wrote:
Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:04
How do I handle being confronted in public, what if someone decides to react violently to my appearance?
Treat all violence as life threatening. That always means running, calling for help, calling cops.

If cornered, fighting with any brick, metal pipe, pen, keys, teeth, versus the painful spots : eyes, nose, ears, jaw, groin, knees, toes.
Antilogic wrote:
Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:04
What about in the workplace, where transgender issues are often ignored, or found laughable and disregarded. Will I find myself discriminated against – I am already aware of, and have raised, minor discrimination again from birth women in my workplace. I wonder if my all white, 50+ male senior management team would even notice.
That's a harder one. Cant think of anything but to look at the work environment closer. I've worked in at least two companies where I can say being transgender didnt matter. One for certain, second one, - a guess.

Antilogic wrote:
Tue, 30. Jul 19, 21:04
The MtF woman in the link was wrong to foster her opinion on the expectant mother. By doing so, she expands an extreme version of the gender identity problem that is wending its way through society today.
Hm yep.
I think I dont get that. For one, everyone raises their kids as they see fit, and no-one else has any say in it at all. Second, I dont see anything wrong with raising kids in the following pattern - girls are raised as girls, who get to do girls and boys stuff and whatever they like, in activities, sports, education, etc, boys are raised as boys who get to do boys and girl stuff and whatever they like, in activities, sports, education, etc. If something needs to be adjusted at any point, it can be addressed.
Gimli wrote:Let the Orcs come as thick as summer-moths round a candle!

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