What makes you an introvert or an extrovert?

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What makes you an introvert or an extrovert?

Post by mrbadger » Sun, 11. Feb 18, 16:19

I was called an Extrovert yesterday, they insisted I must be, because of my job.

But when I first started lecturing I was terrified. Standing in front of all those students was so frightening I could barely remember what I was supposed to say. My very first lecture was a disaster.

Now I can stand in front of hundreds and not be slightly bothered. It didn’t happen quickly, and I see it happening with other people new to lecturing. I try to reassure them that they don't have to worry, it will get easier.

I’ve been called an extrovert before, because I seem so relaxed and jokey stood in front of all those people. I don’t consider myself to be extroverted. I’m aware I’m rather eccentric. That’s definitely a common, though not universal trait among lecturers. It does seem to help.

I’m not convinced I’d call any lecturers extroverts. I think some secondary school (high school) teachers I know could qualify as extroverts, but the roles are quantitatively different, at least in the UK. They lack our freedom (most of the material they teach is predetermined), so perhaps they also have less to be afraid of.

It’s a very confusing label really. When I was a nurse I couldn’t handle loads of blood till I was trained to deal with it. By the end of my training I was able to stay calm while someones jugular burst, and start dealing with it instead of panicking. It’s just a matter of training and experience isn’t it?
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Post by red assassin » Sun, 11. Feb 18, 16:29

Introverts find interacting with people tiring and need alone time to recharge; extroverts find alone time tiring and need to interact with people to recharge. That's the definition I'm familiar with. Being introverted doesn't preclude you from teaching, presenting, or otherwise being social, or from enjoying doing it, it's just tiring. (Mind you, I'm sure teaching is tiring for extroverts too; there's more to it than the social interaction!)
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Post by mrbadger » Sun, 11. Feb 18, 16:42

After I teach I need time alone to recover, that is definitely a thing.
As much as I enjoy it, I find it emotionally/psychologically exhausting.
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Post by Alan Phipps » Sun, 11. Feb 18, 17:06

"I was called an Extrovert yesterday, they insisted I must be, because of my job."

I don't think a job, nor even particular training, necessarily pigeon-holes people into one or the other category. It is just a lifestyle approach or attitude that arises out of the sum of your genetics and lifetime experiences. It may have been more correct for them to say that 'Somebody choosing your type of job may often appear more extrovert than introvert.'

The genetics aspect is difficult to quantify as even twins can be markedly different in this area. The life experience aspect is more obvious. Just consider early childhood comparing say an only child with those with many close siblings, experiences at early schools, and even the influence of intelligence, physical stature and looks on self-image and self-confidence.

There are many inter-social indicators of people trying to fit into a particular mould because their job or status expect it of them: excessive, forced or uncomfortable attempts at humour, relative ability to recall and use names and look people in the eye when speaking, the ease or difficulty in making polite chit-chat, longing looks at the exit (either to escape or to go and do something even more fun), etc.
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Post by euclid » Sun, 11. Feb 18, 17:34

mrbadger wrote:After I teach I need time alone to recover, that is definitely a thing.
As much as I enjoy it, I find it emotionally/psychologically exhausting.
ImE this is "normal". Giving a lecture/presentation or even just listen to it is exhausting because it requires focus/concentration. So, you're not alone in this respect.

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Post by JSDD » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 00:19

red assassin wrote:Introverts find interacting with people tiring and need alone time to recharge; extroverts find alone time tiring and need to interact with people to recharge.
there are people who need to talk out of convenience. for example, 10 persons play a bit soccer, after a while they take a break, i know a guy that (for sure!) will tell you when he' gonna drink a bit, when he's gonna sit, when he's looking up and thinks (and talks) about what he's gonna do next ... other people usually dont do that. i would just grab the bottle a take a sip, sit, rest and think for myself unless or discuss with others what to do next ... i just dont "feel" the need to frame everything and every action in words ...
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Post by Observe » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 03:15

I don't think a lecturer is necessarily an extrovert, any more than a recluse monk is necessarily an introvert.

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Post by Morkonan » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 06:19

Most people are neither of these things.

They're terms used with "extremes" of behavior in mind. But, most people's behavior is pretty boring. Being "alone" or "with people" are also behaviors that don't tend to have any other qualitative things associated with them. If someone is often with people, but doesn't really value that, doesn't truly like doing it, and doesn't empathize with them, are they an "extrovert?" Or, a hiding sociopath?

It's all situational, really. Sometimes, people prefer to be alone, sometimes they don't. It likely changes from day to day, week to week. When it starts swinging drastically or doesn't swing at all... Well, then there's a problem much more definable than "Introvert" vs "Extrovert."

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Post by Kapakio » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 09:45

Morkonan wrote:Most people are neither of these things.
I beg to differ. I call myself an introvert. I preffer to be alone or with my family than with a group of friends or, even less, meeting new people. I find the social relationship exhausting. I hate small talk. On the other hand, I can get very exited if there's a conversation on I topic I like. People say that I don't talk too much, but when I talk...

I don't have any problems in talking in front of an audience of dozens or hundreds of people, of course, if I know very well the subject. What I avoid is just the social relationship.

On the other hand, my wife is the opposite. She needs social relations. You can feel how her batteries recharge when she is just talking with people. She can spend hours in parties, just talking. She loves meet new people. She is really extrovert.

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Post by JSDD » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 10:27

Morkonan wrote:It's all situational, really. Sometimes, people prefer to be alone, sometimes they don't. It likely changes from day to day, week to week. When it starts swinging drastically or doesn't swing at all... Well, then there's a problem much more definable than "Introvert" vs "Extrovert."
i agree. if you are in an environment where the people around you cant be trusted and try to use your spoken words against you, then you likely wont speak much. if you are around your best friends, then you likely will speak more (and openly) ...
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Post by pjknibbs » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 12:15

Kapakio wrote: I find the social relationship exhausting. I hate small talk. On the other hand, I can get very exited if there's a conversation on I topic I like. People say that I don't talk too much, but when I talk...
It's never fun when you're standing on the edge of a conversation waiting for a suitable point to jump in that never seems to come. However, I find the bigger problem with socialising is that it always seems to happen in places where the music volume is stuck at 11--I find it extremely difficult to separate conversation from the background noise, so I miss half of what everyone is saying. In a nice quiet environment with a group of people I know I'm fine.

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Post by Morkonan » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 20:18

pjknibbs wrote:... However, I find the bigger problem with socialising is that it always seems to happen in places where the music volume is stuck at 11--I find it extremely difficult to separate conversation from the background noise, so I miss half of what everyone is saying. In a nice quiet environment with a group of people I know I'm fine.
^--- This.

I can't stand trying to have a conversation in loud environments. Back in the day, when going to the dance clubs/bars was the way we used to meet new people, I loathed having to try to "talk" (yell) over the music.

For myself, I don't fit in any category. I just go with the flow. If I'm alone, I'm alone. If I'm not, I'm not. I don't find myself seeking out either sort of situation.

I will say that I often feel uncomfortable at events focused on myself in certain situations. For instance, if there was a birthday party for me, I'd feel embarrassed. Things like getting an award and having to stand up and give an acceptance speech is awkward for me. But, standing up and praising someone else in a room of people is enjoyable. /weird I'm sure I could look deeper into this, but I probably don't want to. :)

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Post by mrbadger » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 21:41

I always thought that places with loud music (clubs and such) were the last places you could actually talk to someone.

Which always then confused me about the whole Saturday night dating thing people used to talk about (well not dating, briefer than that). How could you pick someone up if you couldn't talk to them?

I've been to such places exactly five times in my life, and never enjoyed it. I've always been talked into going 'because it will be fun this time, we promise', but it never was.

Loud, smelly, hot and crowded. Not fun at all.
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Post by Chips » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 22:05

Being nervous or afraid to stand up in front of a large number of people doesn't mean you're an introvert, nor that you aren't an extrovert either. It's completely unrelated.

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Post by Morkonan » Mon, 12. Feb 18, 23:50

mrbadger wrote:I always thought that places with loud music (clubs and such) were the last places you could actually talk to someone.

Which always then confused me about the whole Saturday night dating thing people used to talk about (well not dating, briefer than that). How could you pick someone up if you couldn't talk to them?...
People make a lot out of their skills at talking to a member of the opposite sex. Truth-be-told, while that may allow one to overcome a disadvantage, the opposite sex (Usually women, since men are the only ones who have to worry about being able to talk) has already made up their minds in the first few seconds. At that point, if they're already receptive, all one has to do is not be an idiot.

PS - Being able to illicit a few good-natured laughs, here and there, and supporting a comfortable and welcoming environment is half the battle, too. But, with blaring music and seizure-inducing flashing lights, that becomes less important. Nobody is going to a dance-club to look for a "relationship." Heck, one's conversation skills are more important on Tinder, I guess, than in a dance-club.

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Post by Hank001 » Fri, 16. Feb 18, 01:46

The grave mistake most make is automatically confusing extroverts
with Egotists. Most likely from some past experience. Then again in youth the extrovert hasn't the experience. They can easily fall into egoism and from there to the egotistical. The introvert in the other hand with too much such experience may fall into cynicism.
I'm paraphrasing someone's book that's only virtue was it made a great eyeshade when it bored me into a siesta. I learned never to butt heads with the extroverted or frighten the introverted.

Somewhere at some time the lion turns coward and the mouse roars.

People never really fit in the neat categories we might wish
to place them.
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